Excerpt from my new book due out next year

Here is a excerpt from my new book that will be out next year. It's called rational thoughts from a damaged brain.


I’m just not good at saying a lot of things out loud. I guess that’s why I write so much music. Good or bad music, I write it mainly to get it out of my system. I have so much in my head. Like most people there are things I remember and things I forget. I carry a lot around with me for whatever reason. Some would say it’s for writing my music. When I make mistakes in life, I don’t always know right at that moment. Sometimes it swells and explodes on me later in life. Sometimes I know right away and correct it or wish I could correct it. Missed opportunities are always a sore spot for me. At times I would be bitter or full of regret. I would be quick to replace one thing or person with another. Memories can be painful as well as happy. I have run across people that I can’t remember but they remember me. I have talked to people that I remember and they that don’t remember me. I think I chose to hold on to or let go of things that I categorize in a certain area without even realizing that I am doing it. Maybe someone made a big impression on me and I hold on to that and make it more than it really was. Maybe it’s the other way around and I made the impression on someone and carved my spot in their memory. I guess that I literally take everything to heart that is said to me. Don’t sweat the small stuff. That’s not as easy as it sounds. Who decides what the small stuff is? Sometimes I remember a smile of someone or an angry face. Sometimes it’s a smell of a room, clothing, cigarette or just the way someone smelled. I have written songs about people and never told them. I have written songs for people and they knew. I have written songs about story lines that I make up like a miniature movie in my head. Anger was a popular theme for me for quite a while and the words flowed like wine for me. I’ve been through so much shit in my life that you wouldn’t believe half of it. I have thought that I was in love when in reality it was no where near what love is supposed to be. I’ve made a ton of bad choices when it comes to women but I have learned something from everyone that I have come into contact with. I didn’t realize that I was being taught a lesson on those occasions until much later in life. I know now that those people and events have made me what I am today. How I reacted to those events played a huge part in where I am in my life and how I react to things now. I have always felt like I was here for a reason but I just didn’t know what it was. I should be doing something more than what I was doing. I just didn’t know what. I thought that I was invincible for most of my life. Yes, there were times early in my life that I asked “Why does this always happen to me” Was that the small stuff? I have had my share of laughter as well as pain. What was it all for? Was it for writing songs, a book, a letter or just to make me into me? Music has always been a major part of my life. Music has sent me down the roads that I have traveled to get to this point in my life. I have made decisions on friends, relationships, jobs, so much in my life because of my music. I was taken to every fork in the road of my life because of my music. Whatever band that I was in made up my inner circle of friends. Whatever city we traveled to found some of my friends along the road. My schedule of playing determined if I worked a regular job or not. How my band was doing determined my mood at that time. My bands introduced me to so much, good and bad. My music had a lot of control over me. I’m not sure how control is divided up for me now. For a long time it was easy. Music had some control and I had some control. It’s so much more complicated now. Music has taken a back seat to a lot of things. It’s still in the car but it rarely gets near the steering wheel. Family grabs the wheel, Multiple Sclerosis grabs the wheel, doctors grab the wheel, Prescription Drugs grab the wheel, Friends grab the wheel, Music grabs it when no one is looking and I try to keep the car on the road. It’s getting harder and harder. Music turns into just writing sometimes. That’s who is driving now. I was told that I have good coping skills and now you are involved. When you started reading this you didn’t know that you were putting a flag in the road. My road or yours? We won’t know until later. How do you respond to this or should you even try? Why am I writing this? I think if I don’t write it I will go crazy.

catch up october

I just wanted to let everyone know how things were going. I go next week for tysabri infusion #12. One year on tysabri, hard to believe. The last couple of months have been packed with stuff. I have been working on SBTS stuff , a new music project with some of the guys from the Tin Henry family. I just heard one of the tracks and it sounds great. I have had to re-cut some of the vocals and I'm glad that I did ! It is shaping up nice. I am also still working on my solo cd. I pushed back the release date of the project because I have a few more songs I wanted to put on it. This is my last planned solo cd and I want it to say a lot. I'm not sure when either project will be finished but I will keep you in the loop. I have felt decent the last couple of months with some pretty rough days mixed in. I have been fighting that give up feeling and it's hard some days. I know that I push myself to much and end up paying for it. I plan to get the projects done, it's just taking longer than I thought. Some days I feel like the breath is being squeezed out of me and I have been beat with a baseball bat. I just need to rest more. Thanks for your support and emails! I'm still putting your pictures up on the site so keep sending them !!!
Much Love,
CC

8-23-09

Just a quick update

I started a video blog where you can see my 10th tysabri infussion and a little about me and tysabri. I will be answering some questions on future videos and who know what else I will do?
I feel pretty good and appreciate all of your support!!
Thanks to Delynn, Tina , Lisa , Mischa, Todd and all of you that have sent pictures in for my friends and fans pages!! you don't know how much that means to me. It has been really hard not being able to play live for so long. I really miss it. To have you guys show that you still support me makes me want to get back out there even more. I would love to have more pictures from my friends! I am going to try and start a street team to help get others involved with pictures and spreading the word. I am still recording and have pushed the release date of my next cd back.
Send pictures or questions for the video blog to chriscoxrox@live.com

Thank you guys,
MUCH LOVE,
CC

Inflammation Sunday!

8/2/09
Only with MS’
My legs have been feeling better and better. I have even been walking around the block at night when it’s cooler. Things have been looking up for sure. I bought an electronic drum set to do some drum tracks without having to mic up an acoustic drum set. I messed around with it a little bit this weekend and got it all set up. I also set up to record a few more guitar tracks only to find out the inflammation in my hands was so bad that I couldn’t play crap. MS’ is so wonderful. You just never know what you’re going to get day to day. The CD is taking longer than I had hoped to finish. Hopefully this inflammation will leave my hands soon so I can keep working to finish the cd.

July 20th.

Got my 9th Tysabri infussion today and feel great. I also got my mri results back last week and they showed no new lesions and a reduced size in some of the current lesions. This is awesome news that I was very happy to hear. The new website design has been posted by sheridan and looks great. There will be a few tweaks here and there as we go along but it is pretty much all there. Some of the friend and fan pictures are up in the photo gallery. Send yours in for a chance to win the new CD !
Now back to recording,
Much love,
CC

Quick hit

Just a quick note:
Some people are asking about the cd project.
To clear things up, here it is.
I have 2 cd's comming out this summer.
One is a solo cd and the other is a full band project called Sounds behind the sun.
They are both going very well. I think you will dig both of them.
I also get the results of my recent mri on wed. the 15th this month. I will update more after that.
Thanks for all of the follows on Twitter and checking the book out.
Much love,
CC

JULY

I just got back from L.A. last week. The weather was awesome and I felt great!
Had a little 4th of July party with part of the family last night. Now I am having a lazy day. I planned to work on the cd a little today but haven't got off of the couch yet. I am lacking motivation today. I have received a few picture for the win it before you can buy it contest but would like to see more! The book is still doing well, I just need Montel or oprah to read it now....lol
I have a MRI on Tuesday, I can't wait....Yeah right.
This is medical month I guess. MRI, Neurologist appt, Tysabri. I think I have an appt each week this month. Back in the Texas weather sucks. The heat is killer, I could use a bigger AC on the house. Mine can't keep up with the 100 degree days everyday. Still working on the website also. Keep checking back, hope to have it up soon. Send me those pictures and win the new cd when it's done. So much to do, not enough time in the day!
Talk soon!
CC